As humans, we naturally gravitate toward people and wherever there may be interaction. We are social creatures who want love, attention and genuine connections on deep emotional and psychological levels. Even if we prefer to be alone, secluded from the outside world, our bodies crave the sense of community in our world. This is why it is essentially healthy to have friends, family, loved ones and a sense of belonging. Even though we all want a good social life, not all social interactions will leave us satisfied, which is where insecurity and social anxiety begins to grow. We fear people, even though we want to talk to them.
How many times have you pondered about what you could’ve said instead of awkwardly being quiet with someone new? When we interact, the brains of both parties are at work on a chemical level to see if we are compatible, whether it be a platonic or romantic relationship. Charismatic people do not suffer these consequences and almost seem to have any social interaction nailed to the point. Just how do they do it? What’s their secret?
Charisma is described as “an individual’s ability to attract and influence other people”, according to an online article. Charisma has “the power to attract attention and influence people, [normally] embodied in the way someone speaks, what someone says and how someone looks when communicating.” Usually, charismatic people have a way to carry conversations with an imposing, warm, presence in the room that often makes people feel validated and gravitate toward said person. Something about the way they talk and act really sets off positive charges in our brains that compels us to think: “I want to talk to this person more”.
An article recommends that to increase or develop charisma, one should pay heed to the following elements that could increase charisma: “They include tactics such as using metaphors and lists in talking about issues, telling stories that capture attention, and expressing shared emotions and moral conviction, as well as using gestures, facial expressions, and other nonverbals to express emotions and make an impression.”
Such an example can even be found in our school grounds, as some of you might know or even think of someone when hearing the word ‘charisma’.
Junior Johnny Orozco shares a bit of insight regarding charisma and how he encompasses it.
“I would say I do tend to socialize a lot as I know a lot of people. Also, I tend to talk to different people throughout the day depending on the day as there are people I would refer to as acquaintances rather than friends. When I talk to other people I just tend to start off casually, asking them a question about themselves or a popular topic that I know most people discuss. Usually, if they are the more quiet type I tend to start off the conversation to ease them into it. If they like to talk I ask them something that gets them to talk about their day. Also, I try to find something in common with someone, that makes it easier to have a conversation,” Orozco said.
Orozco goes on to talk about his best method yet for easy socialization.
“Well I find that I tend to know a lot of people because I like to talk and I always try to empathize and relate to people as that always seems to make me more likable. I tend to make conversation easily by adapting to other people’s personalities, as different people respond to certain words differently, but other than that it all comes down to being respectful and being willing to listen and being yourself,” Orozco said.
Of course, reading about something and actually doing it in real life are quite two different experiences, which is why there are tips for the many introverts and shy talkers (including me)! Orozco shares his advice for shy talkers.
“Tips for shy talkers I would say is Number 1: don’t agree with everything, agreeing with everything makes you seem unconfident and awkward. Number 2: speak what’s on your mind or your opinion. When you speak about your opinion you come off as confident and it will make you more included in the conversation. Number 3: pay attention to the topic of conversation, it is important that what you say is adding to the conversation as you don’t want to seem out of place, and it will make you seem likable. Number 4: don’t laugh at everything, this makes you seem desperate to fit in and weird only laugh at appropriate times or when you find something truly funny,” Orozco said.
On that note, Orozco ends the interview with an insight idea for us all, a great key to charisma.
“I would like to add that if you are shy that is perfectly ok, as in some settings even I am shy. But it is important to be yourself whenever you converse with people, and being yourself at the end of the day is what will make you a better talker and it will help you find real friends in life,” Orozco said.
Communication is an essential part of our lives and it can be difficult to fit in with others who all seem to be so different from us on a surface level. However, not only is it healthy but it allows us to experience new things together, as friends and loved ones. The connections we make in our lives, the circle of our influence, is what fulfills us in life. Yes, it is difficult to become a charismatic person, but that is why we begin by practicing now, getting help from others and simply speaking to others.
