From cleaning, homework, cooking and grocery shopping, all while maintaining good grades, eldest daughters are expected to handle it all. Many of us have experienced the overstimulation of being busy, but should an older sibling be the one to take care of these responsibilities? There are many responsibilities and packed schedules that daughters face daily and it shouldn’t be that way.
In many Latinx families, oldest daughters are expected to handle chores, care for siblings and still keep up with school. From a young age, these responsibilities often fall on them due to cultural traditions and gender roles. I stand by shaping the voices of eldest daughters like Celina Campos, as well as mothers like Kristina Kelsey, who explain the pressures and daily routines of firstborn girls.
Celina Campos, a 21 year old firstborn daughter of Salvadorian descent, explains her role growing up in her household.
“I would describe my role in my household as learning to be responsible at a young age,” Campos said.
According to the UC Davis McNair Firstborn Latina Daughters article, Latinx families usually practice familismo; this promotes higher responsibilities to Latinx daughters and others’ needs before their own.
Campos shares her thoughts on the gender influence that took place in her household.
“I think my gender played a role in the expectations placed at home in the ways where me and my mom would be the ones to clean, cook, and serve my dad most of the time,” Campos said.
Kendra Cherry, author of the Navigating the Challenges of Eldest Daughter Syndrome article, shares her thoughts on gender affiliation.
“Gender stereotypes suggest that women should be nurturing, natural caregivers, making the eldest daughter one of the default caregivers in the family,” Cherry said.
Cherry points out that the pressure to care for others often falls on daughters because of gender roles. For the oldest daughter, this means taking on extra duties that shape how she grows up. These roles show up in everyday families, not just in research.
Kristina Kelsey, a Mexican-American mother of four, shares her own experience with the differences between her oldest and middle daughters.
“The responsibilities between my two daughters are different in the way that my eldest daughter is in charge of taking care of her younger siblings, cleaning the kitchen and the table, and my daughter after the eldest is in charge of vacuuming the living room,” Kelsey said.
Kelsey’s experience shows how older daughters are often given the heavier and more demanding jobs, while their younger siblings take on smaller tasks. This clearly highlights how birth order and gender expectations shape family dynamics, leaving the eldest daughter with the role of caregiver and leader.
As mentioned in the Navigating the Challenges of Eldest Daughter Syndrome article, eldest daughters are often pushed into adult-like roles, expected to lead their siblings and sometimes even act as a parent, long before they are ready for those responsibilities.
Kelsey describes her eldest daughter’s daily routine.
“She gets up and gets ready to go to school, helps me get her three-year-old younger brother ready, when she comes out of school she cleans the house, sometimes makes food for her siblings, and when I arrive from work she does her homework,” Kelsey said.
Natalia Salais, the author of the article An Eldest Daughter’s Journey From People Pleasing to Setting Boundaries, shares her own experience and explains that from a young age, she was conditioned to prioritize everyone else’s needs before her own. Her mother’s words stayed with her throughout her life.
“The eldest has to give the example,” Salais said.
Kelsey points out that the differences between her daughters’ roles raise the question of why the oldest is expected to carry more responsibility simply because of birth order.
“The role of my eldest daughter is different because by being the eldest her siblings are more aware of how she behaves,” Kelsey said.
Campos explains a time where she felt guilty for putting herself first.
“There have been times where I have felt guilty for putting myself first, for example, when my younger sister asks me to take her to school in the morning and I say no because I’m tired from working late, I always feel guilty afterwards,” Campos said.
Campos talks about what she wishes parents understood about their eldest daughters.
“I think parents should understand that it’s important to also make time for their children to check in on them and also understand that elder sisters have their own things to get done such as school, work and personal responsibilities,” Campos said.
This reminder highlights the balance oldest daughters often struggle to maintain. While they take on responsibilities at home, they are still teenagers navigating school, friendships, and themselves. Appreciating their hard work while also giving them space to be themselves can help reduce the stress they often carry.
